I'm No Expert

I received a call today from a friend of mine. After a brief greeting, she went for the jugular, "Do you know anything about computers?" I opted against saying that I did know some stuff and went for the much safer approach - waffling. "Emmm, I know some. Why? What's the problem" See, this neatly gave me an out should I either A) not know the answer or B) the problem would take too long to solve, especially over the phone. Apparently, I did not waffle enough and the problem turned out to be both. In fact, I'm supposed to be researching her problem right now, but decided to write this entry instead (Sorry, Stacey - I'll get back to you eventually, I promise).

Let me say right here and now, that my hat is off to anyone that provides computer support over the phone. I realize that most of those people are working from scripts (much like I was today thanks to the Microsoft website), but they still have to deal with some amazingly stupid people. You know, the one's who think the mouse is an accelerator or that the CD tray is for their coffee mug. Phone support also requires the ability to visualize the problem the person is having. This is not one of my strong suits so I like to be sitting in front of the computer that I have been asked to fix.

I also like the owner of the computer to be someplace else - preferably Alaska. There is nothing worse than having them look over your shoulder asking questions like "what do you think is wrong with it?" This is mostly because I can't lie fast enough. Given a few minutes, I could come up with some great explanation such as, "Well, you see, your front side bus is out of sync with the DRAM and that is causing your system to (insert appropriate problem here)" It also makes you look like a god if they don't see you crawling under the desk to plug the computer back in from when they kicked out of the outlet. Another reason I don't like people looking over my shoulder - I can call my Dad.

Yep, I call my Dad for the most difficult problems - basically anything that can't be fixed by using Ctrl-Alt-Delete or whacking the computer with my hand. He's the true techno guru of the family, I'm just a wannabe. Oh sure, I can generally get software to work, but when it comes to either the hardware or the operating system, I turn and run like a 12 year old girl. Those two things scare the bejeezus out of me. One small, stray bit of static electricity and you fried the motherboard (done that) or one erroneously removed program and you can't start the computer (Stacey did that). Perhaps it's a matter of practice, but then, I'm sure, so is lion-taming and who wants to step into the cage full of lions for the first time?

I'm getting a bit better though. Perhaps it is the number of hours of TechTV that I watch each week. Eventually, it all just starts to seep into your brain and without warning you can have lenghty discussions on the performace differences between AMD and Intel processors (by the by, don't bother buying a 64-bit chipset, very few programs are optimized for it). Or, maybe, I've just gotten to a point in my life where I realize that fixing someone's computer problem is like playing with my neice. I can wind her up as much as I want then leave and let my sister try to get her to go down for the night. In other words, at the end of the day, no matter what I do, it's still your problem.

Oh and in the future, can you please submit this form before you call me?

FAN MAIL, I GOT FAN MAIL!
The following excerpt is from an actual e-mail that I received.

Another great post today! I look forward to these now, so don't let me down!!

Thanks sis, I'll try.

IN OTHER NEWS

SCORE ONE FOR GEORGE - MAYBE
Danish troops found suspicious shells in Iraq that may contain blister agents. Too bad that they appear to be surplus from the Iran-Iraq war in the '80s.

PERHAPS ALL THE JOKES ABOUT CLEANING UP DADDY'S MESS WEREN'T REALLY JOKES
According to Paul O'Neill, former Treasury Secretary, George was looking for an excuse to invade Iraq before 9/11.

RED ROVER, RED ROVER...
Spirit, NASA's Martian rover ready to leave lander and begin exploring. For pics from the rover, check out NASA - Home.