First, let me confess something...this is not the original version of this post. When the facts below came to light, I was on my lunch break and just quickly threw together the post. I've since gone through and edited it slightly, including giving it a new title. So, if you read this post right after I sent out the e-mail to virtually my entire address book, you may just want to read it again. You didn't have anything better to do did you? Thought not.
My friend Kevin - you may remember him from yesterday as the writer of the Candle in the Wind-Celebrity Remixes blog - linked his site to mine, just as I had done for him. Now the interesting thing about linking is that the more sites link to you the higher your Google score and thusly, the closer to the top of the list you appear. On a lark, I decided to see what my rank was.
Searching for my name was not a wise choice. Do you know how many Chris Behnke's there are, not to mention all of the Chris (Whatever) or the (Whatever) Behnke's. So I got a bit more creative.
Before I get to my flash of brilliance, there is something else that you need to know about the Google search engine. Once you type in the terms you are looking for, you can either press [ENTER] or the Google Search button to bring up the whole list of pages that relate to your search. There is another button right next to the Google Search button called I'm Feeling Lucky. Most of us are familiar with this from doing the Weapons of Mass Destruction search. If you didn't get any of the innumerable e-mails telling you about this site that I did, then it's enough to know that the I'm Feeling Lucky button will take you directly to the first site on the results list, without having to look at the list. Got it? If not, try typing Weapons of Mass Destruction in the search bar and then press I'm Feeling Lucky. Read the resulting page carefully - it is hysterical.
Okay back to me. So, if you go to Google and type in "musings adulthood" and then hit the I'm Feeling Lucky button, guess where you end up? If you answered with A Musing Man, then you forgot the "s" at the end of musings. It's "musings adulthood" not "musing adulthood". And please, if I should ever not be the I'm Feeling Lucky with those search terms, don't tell me. I'm very fragile and it could just shatter my entire world.
That's it. Just had to crow. I know it's not much and the terms aren't exactly something a normal person would enter (if I could figure out exactly how to work Britany Spears into the title, then I'd be cooking with gas), but we all need something - don't we? And right now, I'm Feeling Lucky.
FYI: There are other keywords/phrases that will take you to interesting places if you press the I'm Feeling Lucky button. The other two most notable Google Bombs...miserable failure and french military victories. There are dozens, nay hundreds more, but I'll leave those for you to find.
Friday, February 13, 2004
Thursday, February 12, 2004
It's All About Style
Once again, I find that there has been a significant amount of time that has past since my last post. I can't really say that I'm sorry, because if that were true, I'd write more often. I did start a draft of a follow-up to my previous post entitled, appropriately enough, "I Still Know What I Did Last Weekend" but I never got around to finishing it and now I can't find it. No big deal. I would have just rambled on about how I arrived at my sister's house the day after the party to find most people suffering from both major hangovers and rambunctious children. Then, I would have gone onto describe the drive home, which would have been fairly boring if not for the snow that fell in Indiana and Ohio and the seeming lack of snowplows in this part of the country. But enough of that, what is past is past - at least until it sneaks up behind you and kicks you in the ass.
I've decided to write this week about my writing. I have to say that my writing leaves a lot to be desired, at least by me. When I start to write, I have these visions of a printed version of Dennis Miller. You know - all sorts of half understood and obscure references, interesting metaphors, tangents and digressions that actually aren't...that kind of stuff. Unfortunately, I my mind doesn't work that way...I generally have enough trouble trying to come up with a somewhat witty subject line without trying to work in a bizzarre reference to Sister Steve of the Father Dowling Mysteries or Savoire Faire and his dog Malamutt. See even there, where I was specifically trying to come up with bizzarre references, it took a good minute to come up with those two. Perhaps it says something that both are TV references, but that is a topic for another day. No, my mind is not adapted for Dennis Miller-esque writing.
Nor is it capable of emulating Ernest Hemingway and his sparse, direct style of writing. I always seem to have an aside, little tangent or witty bon-mots that I have to put in. Hemingway's style in his novels and short stories is, seemingly, a direct extension of his early years as a reporter for the Kansas City Star. There is very little "directness" in how or what I write. I seem only to be able to get from A to C by visiting most of the other letters in the alphabet first. I will get to the who, what, when, where & how eventually, you just need to wade through some other stuff to get there.
Perhaps it is a matter of practice. But, truth be told, I've come to grips with my style. I write the same as I speak and think. What you see on the screen in front of you is a pretty good reflection of how my mind works. Not pretty is it? It does get the job done though. I'm not saying that I don't edit, by no means am I saying that! I'm constantly editing. I've probably changed the wording of each of the sentences in this paragraph at least twice (this is the third version of this particular sentence). For some reason I could never catch on to the whole idea of "free-writing".
You remember free-writing don't you? It's a technique where you aren't supposed to pay attention to how you are writing, but instead concentrate on putting ideas on the paper. To me, that's an elusive dream. Maybe it's a matter of control or some sort of deep seated need to acheive perfection or even some skewed sense of neatness (though anyone who has seen my apartment when I'm not expecting company will laugh hysterically at that one). In any case, I just can't move on from a sentence that I feel doesn't say exactly what I want it to in precisely the way that I want it to. It can be a bit frustrating, especially since it can take up to two hours to write one of these entries. I once told my sister that it would take me up to 8 hours to write a memo that was being sent out to customers. Granted most of that time was getting it approved, but I had to be as precise as possible so that there wouldn't be any possibility of mis-interpretation. That kind of thing just takes time.
Another thing about my writing is the use of punctuation. Sure I probably use commas, elipses and dashes entirely too much or incorrectly, but then this is my blog and I'll punctuate any damn way I want. Parens are another favorite device though so far I've used them twice in this entry (guess I better get on the ball - ohh, that's three!). I've never quite figured out what a semi-colon is really used for except making "winking" emoticons. All in all, how I use puctuation is pretty close to how I speak. I'm generally considered to be funny, except by my parents, so there are lots of pauses for jokes to sink in, etc. (Do you know how hard it is to be sardonic in writing?) However, there are several puncuation marks that I don't use, specifically [ ] & { } so there is that, I guess.
That's enough for now. I'm going to start writing my next entry...A Trip to Bountiful (or Why food shopping is not for the poor). Oh, one more thing before I go... I'm currently reading the very funny and illuminating book by Al Franken - Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them: A Fair and Balanced Look at the Right. I just got it yesterday and I'd be done with it already if it weren't for the need to sleep and that pesky little thing called work. Okay, one more thing and then I'm out I promise. My friend Kevin has taken up the challenge of writing a blog. His is a bit more specialized than mine though. I think the title says it all - Candle in the Wind-Celebrity Remixes
I've decided to write this week about my writing. I have to say that my writing leaves a lot to be desired, at least by me. When I start to write, I have these visions of a printed version of Dennis Miller. You know - all sorts of half understood and obscure references, interesting metaphors, tangents and digressions that actually aren't...that kind of stuff. Unfortunately, I my mind doesn't work that way...I generally have enough trouble trying to come up with a somewhat witty subject line without trying to work in a bizzarre reference to Sister Steve of the Father Dowling Mysteries or Savoire Faire and his dog Malamutt. See even there, where I was specifically trying to come up with bizzarre references, it took a good minute to come up with those two. Perhaps it says something that both are TV references, but that is a topic for another day. No, my mind is not adapted for Dennis Miller-esque writing.
Nor is it capable of emulating Ernest Hemingway and his sparse, direct style of writing. I always seem to have an aside, little tangent or witty bon-mots that I have to put in. Hemingway's style in his novels and short stories is, seemingly, a direct extension of his early years as a reporter for the Kansas City Star. There is very little "directness" in how or what I write. I seem only to be able to get from A to C by visiting most of the other letters in the alphabet first. I will get to the who, what, when, where & how eventually, you just need to wade through some other stuff to get there.
Perhaps it is a matter of practice. But, truth be told, I've come to grips with my style. I write the same as I speak and think. What you see on the screen in front of you is a pretty good reflection of how my mind works. Not pretty is it? It does get the job done though. I'm not saying that I don't edit, by no means am I saying that! I'm constantly editing. I've probably changed the wording of each of the sentences in this paragraph at least twice (this is the third version of this particular sentence). For some reason I could never catch on to the whole idea of "free-writing".
You remember free-writing don't you? It's a technique where you aren't supposed to pay attention to how you are writing, but instead concentrate on putting ideas on the paper. To me, that's an elusive dream. Maybe it's a matter of control or some sort of deep seated need to acheive perfection or even some skewed sense of neatness (though anyone who has seen my apartment when I'm not expecting company will laugh hysterically at that one). In any case, I just can't move on from a sentence that I feel doesn't say exactly what I want it to in precisely the way that I want it to. It can be a bit frustrating, especially since it can take up to two hours to write one of these entries. I once told my sister that it would take me up to 8 hours to write a memo that was being sent out to customers. Granted most of that time was getting it approved, but I had to be as precise as possible so that there wouldn't be any possibility of mis-interpretation. That kind of thing just takes time.
Another thing about my writing is the use of punctuation. Sure I probably use commas, elipses and dashes entirely too much or incorrectly, but then this is my blog and I'll punctuate any damn way I want. Parens are another favorite device though so far I've used them twice in this entry (guess I better get on the ball - ohh, that's three!). I've never quite figured out what a semi-colon is really used for except making "winking" emoticons. All in all, how I use puctuation is pretty close to how I speak. I'm generally considered to be funny, except by my parents, so there are lots of pauses for jokes to sink in, etc. (Do you know how hard it is to be sardonic in writing?) However, there are several puncuation marks that I don't use, specifically [ ] & { } so there is that, I guess.
That's enough for now. I'm going to start writing my next entry...A Trip to Bountiful (or Why food shopping is not for the poor). Oh, one more thing before I go... I'm currently reading the very funny and illuminating book by Al Franken - Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them: A Fair and Balanced Look at the Right. I just got it yesterday and I'd be done with it already if it weren't for the need to sleep and that pesky little thing called work. Okay, one more thing and then I'm out I promise. My friend Kevin has taken up the challenge of writing a blog. His is a bit more specialized than mine though. I think the title says it all - Candle in the Wind-Celebrity Remixes
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)