I Spy With My Little Eye

Today I went to get my eyes checked. I've been wearing glasses, almost exclusively, since the 4th grade. There was a short, 4-6 month experiment with soft contacts at one point, but since it turned out I could only wear them comfortably for about 8 hours, I went back to glasses. There was also a two, pain-searing, torture filled minutes when I tried hard contacts, but I would rather not discuss how I screamed like a little girl, thank you very much.

It turns out that I'm a bit blinder than I was 6-7 years ago, which is the last time I had my eyes checked, but not by much. I am still near-sighted and probably won't need bi-focals for another 10 years or so, but I will definitely need them eventually according to my eye-guy [he went to the Illinois College of Optometry which is apparently in the Hyde Park area, but I'm not sure if he is an opthamogolist (Dr) or an optometrist (grad school)].

As a side note, for some bizarre reason I'm usually confused momentarily as to if I'm near-sighted or far-sighted. You would think since the description of type of sight you have is also the common name for the condition (as opposed to myopia or hyperopia) this would not be such a problem. But my mind likes to play tricks on me and reverses the two. Of course, I still have to think about which is my right and which is my left hand, so...

I also learned that my astigmatism is considered oblique, though I'm not why the direction is important. Again, according to my eye guy, most astigmatism are either vertical or horizontal. Well, I do like to be unique in a mass culture kind of way. For those who aren't up on all the latest optometric terminology, an astigmatism is:

A condition in which the cornea of the eye is asymmetrically curved, causing out-of-focus vision.

Quoted from MedlinePlus Medical Encyclopedia

Basically, this means that I need my glasses to correct focus so that I can read. So, I won't be traumatized when the time comes for getting bi-focals.

Now, before I saw the eye-guy, I was pre-screened by an assistant. The pre-screening included such optical favorites as:

- Read the Smallest Line (Right & Left Versions)
- Which Figure Appears to be Floating? (Special appearance by the Polorized Glasses)
- What Number Do You See? (Are You Color Blind?)

and of course, everyone's all time favorite...

- Puff the Magic Air Ball

That one always gets me. I know that it is coming and yet, like a horror movie, I jump every time.

I have to say the worst part of the whole vision testing rigmarole is that until they start flipping around the various lens to figure out your prescription, I was nearly blind. That's right, the bastards took away my glasses. Don't they realize that I am wearing glasses for a reason? I can only see blobs and shapes; I can't focus in on anything. Jerks!

So there it is - my trip to the eye-guy. Oh yeah, one more thing was mentioned, as it is by every medical professional that I have seen since college, I should quit smoking. He says that there is a direct correlation between smoking and macular degeneration (which is basically a form of blindness). Aren't there any benefits to smoking? Surprisingly, yes there are.

Oh and one last vision related note. I noticed the other day that my garage door opener is blue. I've had the dang'd thing for nearly a year and only just noticed it was blue. Granted it is a dark blue and since I tend to glance at it when putting the garage door open or down it is possible that cultural inertia took over and my mind just decided that it was black like 99% of the rest of them. Then again, I still have to think about which is my right and which is my left hand, so...